the perfect schedule

I used to believe there was a perfect relationship, a perfect job, and well, yes, a perfect life.


I used to believe a lot of things. 


The perfect schedule though. I never used to think about that.  Let alone believe in one. That was until chronic pain and its daily ailments crept into all my veins.  But something changed when it crept into my mind, the perfect schedule became a necessity. Yet I couldn’t help but ask, is there even one?


Is there a perfect balance of work to home? From errands to outings? From extrovert to introvert? From balance to hectic? 


At 34, single, no kids, no job, just me, my medical and my nonprofit…and I just don’t think there is.  I can’t imagine if my plate happened to be filled differently. Somedays, my perfect schedule, is being able to do nothing at all. Sometimes weeks.  And then sometimes, it controls me for months. 


You see, a perfect schedule requires planning, consistency,  and determination. And let’s talk real talk, my life is a three ring circus. One day its a dog and pony show. The next its a trapeze act. Maybe even a magnificent face painting monkey. No day is the same. Or adheres to the demanding need of schedule. Chronic pain just doesn’t care. 


And to be even more honest, it cares the absolute least when you care the most. That right there is the secret ingredient to a recipe for disaster.