Two truths about time

There are two truths I have come to learn about time. It comes and it goes. And nothing can or will ever change that. 

I find myself at mercy to the ticking clock. Watching it dreadfully disappear, all the way to the opposite, of begging it go to faster. Living with a chronic illness has made me more aware of this friend/foe than I ever was before.  Time is my constant battle. And fear is its fuel. 

I have lived with this chronic illness for close to 18 years now, but nothing about it has been predictable. And as I have learned, I don’t believe it will ever be. Complex Regional Pain Syndrome is still so unknown to all of those it impacts; why we have it, what will develop over time, to what we will need in order to continue treating the symptoms. All unknown. And time doesn’t seem to make that any easier. 

I thought by now, more would have been discovered or learned about this rare disease. I am thankful, please don’t get me wrong, for all the growth, awareness and understanding it has received. I just suppose I thought, it would have been more by now. 

I fear, just what my future may hold. I dread being 50 with this disease. As I am only soon to be 35. The complications that have arose over just the last five years have been more than exhausting even comes close to describing. Each day brings upon its own challenges and awareness needed from within. And I can’t imagine doing all this, as my shell itself gets older. Which is a fate of life I cannot stop. 
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​But the two truths still stand…time comes and time goes. With no mercy. And no time outs. I can only hope, that with each passing day, more and more is learned for those diagnosed with CRPS following myself.  And for those that have lived with this misunderstood disease for far too long already!